Merry Christmas 2009

This year Billy and I had his kids the week of Christmas. He took the week off to spend quality family time together. He scheduled a whole week of activities for us including ice skating. This year we got almost everything in advance which was really helpful. He's not much of a planner so this is great progress. It was exciting to have the kids wake us up and be sooo excited that Santa came. Santa spoiled them and me for sure, so I must have been a good girl this year :)

I used this free time to brush up on my cooking skills. I mastered homemade organic choc chip cookies, lots of cassaroles, etc. I'm making progress in the kitchen, slowly the Southern lifestyle is rubbing off. I'm proud to say I can make a better Shepherd's Pie than his mom!! I think we overcame a milestone when he said I can cook better than his mom!!

I got to operate with the Robot!

So on my last day of this rotation I was itching to get out of there. We only had 3 surgeries scheduled but everything about the day was slow, but it was ALL worth it. In the middle of the first robotic surgery he asked me if I wanted to take the controls and suture up the vagina...Calmy I said, "Sure" Inside I was so excited that I thought my bowels would burst. I got to do the same thing in all three cases and it was well worth staying until after 6pm. I love robotic surgery and I want more of it. I probably won't get to operate with the robot for another 2 or 3 years so it really was a big deal. Its the DaVinci robot and its amazing, truly amazing. I really love gyn oncology and would seriously consider a career in it. They are the best surgeries for sure. Billy didn't like the sad stories every day, but it has to be done. I was surprised that I was able to tolerate dying people but no big deal...its about dying with dignity...we're all gonna go someday...its a true talent to balance living life and peacefully dying. I believe you can live life while dying and hopefully I don't wait until that point to live a little!!

More Interviews

So, the interview trail continues. I'm a little less stressed about it, but I still have my moments. I about freaked out when a girl told me she applied to 53 programs...yeah, thats about 45 more than I applied to (and its too late to send out more). I recently hit up both the Carolinas. North had a program that seemed to be fertile..aka 3 residents just had babies in the past 8 weeks. I'm a little scared to match there and get bit by the baby bug...Billy joined me for an interview in south carolina. He had dinner with all the residents and spouses. He TOTALLY got into it and asked a bazillon questions..."Do your program have the robot for charlotte?", "When will charlotte get to operate?" "How many weekends a month does she get off"? Etc...I was really happy that he was so involved. Just one more interview next month and then we'll wait and see where I or we go!

Interview in California

So, I flew to California for a long weekend...such a long flight but necessary because of those fun interviews. This interview was difficult...some programs just want you to ask questions but other program ask very diffcult questions. This particular program rapidly fired complex ethical questions...fun times let me tell you!! I did get to drive to Santa Maria and hang out with the family, which was fun. The kids are growing up so fast and Maisy was so much fun and filled with such energy. My dad laughed so hard at me while in the jacuzzi because I was physically and mentally drained and looking forward to a nice soak in the jacuzzi. It was relaxing for about two nanoseconds when little Maisy came splashing along. I still wouldn't trade time with her for peace though because she is so freaking cute and happy. It's contagious.

Thankful this Thanksgiving 2009

Well I have a lot to be thankful for this year but today I'm looking at the glass half empty. I don't know if its the stress of this whole match process that seems to get to me every few weeks or if its just the holidays approaching and making me wierd (billy too...i'm not taking all the blame ;). I'm starting to realize that my life isn't balanced and it effects other important aspects of my life...i want to make sure people understand that medical school is not hard, but it impacts your personal life in such a big way. there isn't time to do everything and make everyone happy and its so frustrating. its really difficult from having to be a perfectionist at work all day long and not continue to be a perfectionist at home...while i have to put up with it at work, i guess nobody else does. i haven't learned how to switch from being the best medical student to be a fun, loving, relaxed girlfriend. this is probably more evidence to support why all my classmates are cracked out on psych meds...is that the secret that i just haven't experimented with?? would a little dose of prozac every morning take me out of my own little misery? i remind myself that one day i'll be thankful for these hard times. ps i guess i'm thankful that i don't have gyn cancer... i'm doing a month of gyn onc and i was surprised that girls my age are plagued with cervial, endometrial, and ovarian cancer. so thanks for my health and being cancer free (as far as i know!!!)

For accurate record keeping, I spent Thanksgiving at Billy's mom's house. I made homemade macaroni and cheese and a homemade pumpkin pie cake which was the hit of the family festivities. Billy was impressed that I spent the day cooking and cleaning like a normal Southern housewife. And yes, I, " the devil that tempted the favorite son into a sinful life of living together outside of marriage" did ALL the thanksgiving dishes. billy and jody were so proud of me.

Interviews

So several months ago I submitted my application to become an OBGYN and continue my training. Its not something that is guaranteed and as previously reported can be stressful. To date I have about 7 interviews scheduled. A fair number, practically an interview at every program that I applied to. The thought of traveling was exciting, now its a drag and expensive, but absolutely necessary. A few weeks ago I went to Michigan, last week to Philadelphia, this week in Augusta, then California on thursday to return to work in atlanta on Monday. A few days later, I'll be driving to Alabama, then work a little in Atlanta then off to south carolina...the schedule continues like this until mid January...Its exhausting just writing about it, but I'm so so thankful. Some of my friends who want to be an OBGYN as bad as me, have no interviews!! Yep, this is the most competetive year for OBGYNs in the past decade! Last week I was told they received over 400 applications, invite 70 to interview for ony 3-4 spots. Yikes. So keep me in your prayers as travel around and scope out the scene. On the homefront, Billy is pretty excited. I wish he could travel with me but he's saving his vacation time for real vacations. He recently shared with me this elaborate plan he has if I match in south carolina. I had no idea that he had put this much thought into it. He's even talked to his work about it, and everything appears okay. Its a little extra pressure on me, but its really up to God at this point....I'm doing my absolute best and he's being supportive by lining up our future together. We both know I might not get SC, so we'll have back up plans, but we do have a goal and an ideal.

ps we went to a barefoot and pregnant southern wedding last weekend.

Life as a 4th Year

Well, I'm at another residency center working my butt off trying to impress the gang. I've decided that I hate being a 4th year med student and i can't wait for residency. For now, I'm the second lowest on the totem poll (3rd yrs is the pits for sure). I'm required to pre round at 5am, write a note, that gets re-written by a R2 (2nd yr resident). I retract in surgery and maybe if i'm lucky suck blood out with the sucker, perhaps cut suture- not too long, not too short. I'm told to read about some subject and teach the Residents before their own scheduled lecture. Throw in a weekly presentation and you're golden. Today was real good b/c I did get to do real surgery but the entire procedure was repeated by a R2 again...but i'm not really complaining b/c technically i got to do the surgery too!! Sure I'm begging to be an Intern now and no doubt will be begging to be something else then too....the good news is, i'm making progress and one day i'll be a real doctor. On the home front, Billy has been amazing...provides me my daily pep talks, spoils me on weekends, talks about where we are going to live...he's now stressing out a bit in regards to Match Day....its sorta funny b/c i'm over the anxiety and just waiting to see what all happens next spring.

Live as If You Were Dying

For starters, SM lost a very beautiful soul...her death was pretty tradgic and my best bud reminded me to live life now because we might not have tomorrow. This theme was carried on in this week's sermon at church. The preacher reminded me that tomorrow is not guaranteed. I can plan and plan my life away but I really have no choice in the matter if I'm granted another day. We actually live dependently...so as independent as I feel its not my life to live. With last week's tradgic accident, this week's sermon, a month of geriatrics and a few Law & Order reruns, its no doubt that death is on my mind. I woke up this am in a sweat that I was shot at my old high school...I thought what a random dream, but really it reflects everything that has been on my mind this week. So in living life, I still have plenty of things to do (residency, marriage, pregnancy, etc) but I'm happy with what I've accomplished so far.

Who knew I was the next Dr. Kervorkian?

For starters, I have been dreading my mandatory geriatrics rotation....i envisioned a month of breathing in urine soaked sheets and listening to old farts talking about their grandchildren...Not so. Sure I'm spending each day at nursing homes but it isn't so bad. Most of my patients are demented- so they either don't talk or its crazy talk. I've found myself listening to the same Christmas Carol song over and over while writing chart notes and orders b/c an old lady will go crazy if you change it...crazy = meds so let them be crazy if its harmless to avoid sedating them. I've found my favorite old man boyfriend...yep, he's missing toes and teeth but he thinks i'm smart and pretty! I do hate the fact that many of these demented patients just lay there in bed without talking or walking (cuz if that was the case they'd be "walkie-talkies"- quite a complement)...these families insist that EVERYTHING be done for them...ie feeding tubes, blood transfusions, cholesterol medicine and measures to prevent another stroke when they can't move their body...they lay there for years...its not right, but you can't just kill them...sure i'm not suggesting you murder them but what about letting nature take its natural course- don't reinsert another feeding tube, just provide comfort medicines, etc. Really it drives me mad...so if you want everything done to prolong your life for another decade in a vegetative state, don't ask me to be your power of attorney..i won't slip you potassium like dr k but i'll make sure you have just the right amount of morphine.

Background

So its been years and i have been repeatedly trying to change my background....the most progress i made was making the entire blog white....now you can see the font so i'm getting somewhere...still so far to go....actually if you look hard you will see a halloween theme on that last 1 cm margin on the sides.....now that i have wireless internet at home again, i'll fiddle around some more and post something exciting soon. highlights to come: geriatrics rotations-hilarious, concert-kings of leon, atlanta fall weather-cooling off, more attempts at getting healthy- i'm choking down more fruits & veggies, and i hate interview outfit shopping-its a chore.......

Lopez Lake

I went up to the lake for the day while the boys stayed to camp. It was fun. Maisy and I came home and slept together.....Basically Vanna kept us up all night but it was fun. She is the cutest little thing...makes me think that kids might be worth it, but too soon to tell. Miles was a blast as always...We're best buds still...he's really into riding his bike.

Patient Stories

I'm reading this book by a Harvard professor who compiled student essays on student-doctor and patient interactions. I thought I should be a little more insightful myself.

Last week while waiting for my PI to review my work, we were wisked up to the OR for help on a case (he was asked for help, I was merely there). Anyways, it was quite a scene. I walk into the OR, saw an open belly with 4 doctors operating on her and literally 25 empty bags of blood on the floor. This lady was hemorrhaging to death. I had heard about her on the L&D floor for the whole week...people just let her sit there waiting to go into labor...it was a bad choice for sure, because the second she went into labor, she started bleeding. Attendings were arguing on what to do, what should have been done, and she lay there helpless. Since then I see her name on the rounds list under medical & surgical ICU...she keeps receiving blood and lays asleep in a coma. The day her name suddenly disappears will be worrisome b/c i don't know if she'll make it. She has no idea her baby survived, probably being cuddled by her 3 older siblings. This baby was meant to be, the mom had already had 2 surgeries to "tie her tubes" and she kept getting pregnant...not anymore because her womb/ uterus has been removed to save her life..although we still don't know if it really did save her life or if her bleeding disorder go the best of her.

Research in California

First off, I'm handling the stress much better..It was a horrible 2 weeks but i'm back to my normal self again...the problem is still there...where do i want to go for residency, but i seem to not obsess about it.

So I'm in California for the month of Sept doing research at Arrowhead. All along this wsa my first pick for Residency but now i have an on-going list comparing it to other programs. On my first day I was told my research project was to analyze 800 fetal monitoring strips. I about fainted. I thought it was impossible to crank through that much of squiggle lines....but 2 1/2 weeks later I finished. With my local connections I was able to get the data statistically analyzed...basically all that work and nothing was significant....but still publishable. I got all that done and pulled a 24 hour Labor and Delivery shift each week. I was exhausted. I'm taking this weekend off to relax. Previous weekends I went to SM to hang out with Maisy and Miles.

It has been hard being away from Billy...I miss my routine, I'm in a strange place, and at times it really sucks. He's been really supportive and calls me every night which is basically the highlight of each day while I've been working so hard.

Is Medical School Stressful?

Now, I know its seems to the average person that of course students would experience stress in medical school, but its really off and on. I don't mean to complain about it, but its pretty miserable right now and I don't want to forget this experience. Previously I mentioned that I'm going through the residency application process...still awaiting interviews. It seems my mind is constantly racing and being consumed by these thoughts. At night, I find myself crying about the future. I called a classmate and inquired if I was the only one stressed about this process...Good thing is that I'm not alone....it was suggested that I get on medication because most of my classmates are on either an anti-depressant or anti-anxiety med. I thought, am I depressed? No. Do I have anxiety? Awh, yeah, but just regarding two things, Where will I end up? Will Billy and I stay together? Its so stupid but so stressful. Basically I have no control over the situation. It gets worse...I won't know for at least another 6 months! Can I make it that long, should I consider medicine? For now, I'll just ride through the ups and downs but its not fun at all...good news is each episode lasts just a few days and only occur every few weeks. Talking to classmates is a little helpful, but we're all worried what we think of each other...Its taboo to show weakness. Talking to people outside of this process isn't really helpful...They think that of course I'll get what I want, I have so far academically right? All my confidence is gone...doesn't matter that I have the best letters of recommendation or my grades and boards are great...I've become a bit paranoid when comparing myself to my classmates...again, academically I outshine the others who want OBGYN but maybe the residents or directors "liked" them better, maybe they did something i didn't? who knows, but i guess i'll know in 6 months....until then i anticipate many more tearful nights and doubt running through my mind.

Residency Applications

For the past three years I've anticipated this point in my career and have prepared myself for my Residency Application...The time is now here and I'm so confused. There are two different "matching programs" that I can sign up for...One before the other, and for whichever one I choose, I must forfeit the other. Then, the added pressure of which coast do I want to live on? Will Billy go with me? If not, then I want to be far, far away from the South. We talk about it, but I think he sorta wants to know where I'll be before he commits...If I match in Michigan then he's most likely gonna let me go alone...i don't really blame him. Plus, we want the kids, but will their momma let us have them? Could Billy and I balance work, each other and the kiddies full time? I'm pretty confused and no doubt internally stressed about it....(the most likely culprit for not being able to loose weight). My osteopathic application has been sent and I'm awaiting interviews. Next month starts the allopathic process in which my application will be forwarded. I'm thankful that I know I want OBGYN and have a strong CV to support my passion...Some of my friends are still trying to figure out what they are going to specialize in. Some say, "let fate determine" but it's not that easy....i believe you have to create the opportunity and nurish it...I don't want to settle when it comes to my training....Not only do i want to become an OBGYN but I want to become a fabulous obgyn!

Diet & Exercise

This is the topic of most office visits I have with patients at an underserved family medicine clinic this month. Typically their cholesterol is high, they have high blood pressure and diabetes. I ask for a 24 hour diet diary and they usually tell me about mounds of pasta, chocolate cake, soda throughout the day, followed by fried chicken for dinner. Then when asked about exercise, they stare blankly at me. Its almost predictable, so I up their medicines and they'll live another year.
Now, while I don't go to the doctor, I'm well aware of the fact that I could lose a few extra pounds I've put back on in the past two years. (I loved my weight during the first 2 years of med school but I wouldn't trade back for those awful academic times). Some months I'm better than others- for example in So. Carolina I got free Chik-Fil-A anytime I wanted...but most months I bring my Smart Ones to work and eat my healthy lunch. Additionally I've been working out 5 x/ week in the gym and one "outdoor exercise" day/ week. I feel like I'm getting no where....its frustrating....the good news is I have no meds to increase but I don't want to get to that point. Its not fair in my opinion...Billy keeps me motivated and I'll keep pushing myself...if not for weight than for cardiovascular health.

Practicing Intern

Well to expose myself to other residents I have been picking up extra call on L&D. So after working a full day in clinic, I spend the next 15 hours on L&D. Its exhausting no doubt but I am seeing what this program has to offer. While this program is rich in high risk I am also being exposed to the intensity of the resident working enviornment. For the past two calls, I have witnessed 3 residents cry. Yes, grown women doctors run off to cry, pull themselves back together and get back to work. I'm starting to think this is typical behavior...which scares me. I don't want to cry...why are they crying? Lots of factors; the hours are horrific, the work load is intense, upperlevels are demanding, you miss your family, you've been asked to do something you've never done before, you're starving to death and the cafeteria is closed, and finally you have a patient hemorrhaging that you're not sure what to do with. July is notoriously the worst month because you are still gaining your bearings at a new hospital, but its not something I'm really looking forward to. While yes, I can't wait to graduate but along with that is serious responsibility. Initially I reflect that if all the residents are crying then this is not the program for me, but I ponder a bit more and realize that they will most likely be much better physicians because of the intensity and exposure. Do you really want a doctor who went to an "easy" residency and then can't handle the complications in the real world? So theoretically one should interpret the crying as a better program with more experienced future doctors.

My rotation in S Carolina

For starters, I have been dead set on the idea of returning to California for Residency, but I have several electives to fill up. So afte meeting a pretty cool doc at a conference I decide to rotate with him.....i mean why not? I'm on REI- reproductive endocrinology and infertility, which is fabulous. After the first two days I realized I'm working with the smartest obgyns that I've ever worked with. The dept head has over 100 publications- which is a very big deal. Every night I read an average of 10 articles myself and am on the verging of proclaiming myself as the endometriosis expert, medical student level. Its intense. Everyday my brain is stimulated beyond any other rotation. In fact, I have fallen in love with academics and now this program. I did not realize beforehand that I am at the elite obgyn residency program of the South. These are the smartest guys in the country on certain subjects! I am no longer so closed minded with where I want to spend my next four years. Obviously, Billy is a HUGE factor, and this place would allow his job to transfer....lots of pluses building up. This process and decision gets more complicated everyday.

4th of July

Well, time to catch up. The last week of June, Billy and I flew to California to meet the entire Ebner gang for a week of fun in Newport Beach and it was a lot of fun. Billy had not met most of my brothers so I was looking forward to the opportunity of Ebner bonding time. Additionally I wanted Billy to get a feel for Southern California as I am looking at the Residency Programs in this area. Fortunately he fell in love- whats not to love about El Ranchito tacos, the beach, palm trees, perfect weather everyday, etc...We spent a day to drive out to see my old lab, meet my old PI (aka researcher boss), and see the modern hospital that I'm drawn to. That was our "work day" the rest of the time we hiked on the beach, went to Universal Studios, went to an Angels Baseball game, and hung out with family. Jody did our hair which looks fabulous by the way!!! While I enjoyed my time with everyone I cherished my time with Miles and Maisy. Awh, they fuel any spark I have to have my own children, which is later reversed after a long night on call in L&D!! Regardless, it was pleasant experience in California and we look forward to upcoming family vacations.

I now pronounce you.....Dead

So while I'm sporting a great tan, I had to return to my clinical rotations. This month is internal medicine- ambulatory (office > hospital). So day 1 I familiarized myself with their electronic medical records and see a few patients with high blood pressure and heart disease. Day 2 at 8am, I'm a little groggy. My doctor tells me to go with the man in the suit. I'm thinking a drug rep has brought us breakfast and he'll catch up with us over bacon and waffles. Well, the man in a suit takes me to the back parking lot and I see a hearst! Yep, a hearst with the doors open and he asks if I can pronounce the body dead. He politely says I can crawl in the back to do my examination. I'm no longer half asleep and trying to figure out what the heck I should do.....check for a pulse? listen for a heartbeat? breath sounds? check pupils? skin tone and temperature? Yep, I agreed and officially he's been pronouned dead.

While I thought this story was quite a monumental moment, my friend shared this with me last night. He was doing ICU rounds (6am- again, groggy). He went to check on his first patient who the day before was anxious to go home and do chores for his wife but had some difficulty breathing earlier in the day. Well, my friend draws the curtains, walks in and sees the patient "sleeping". He calls his name, "good morning mr. smith, your favorite medical student is here"... no response....so again, "good morning mr smith, time to wake up"....again, no response...after several minutes of this with no response, the med student realizes the patient is dead- yes, his tongue is hanging out and his arm is floating off the bed. He thinks, "Do I call code blue"- is this guy gonna make it back? or do i just walk away? Do I go tell the nurses?" He elects to tell the nurses who are well aware of this fact and awaiting the priest for last rights. (these nurses are most likely laughing hysterically that a med student tried to waken the dead) My friend is quite mad- he thinks shouldn't there be some kind of code on the door? Black flashcard? door shut? something! He was quite shaken up but the day must go on and he must finish his rounds!

Cancun

After a long day with the kids Billy asked for a Corona and said he was in dire need of a beach vacation- which I had been begging for over the last few months. After agoniizing over which hotel, I booked it. We spent 4 relaxing days on the beaches of Cancun at an all inclusive 5 star hotel with unlimited food and drinks. The hotel was romantic and plush for sure- maybe too plush for us but its my only romantic vacation for the year. Day 1 was spent walking the beaches, Day 2 at the poolside and shopping. Day 3 was deep sea fishing- billy caught 3 fish while I did everything i could from barfing over the side (i got a bit green). Day 4 was poolside relaxation before our flight home. It was such a fabulous vacation...I already miss Cancun and floating in the pool with my arms wrapped around Billy....

Boards, Step 2, Passed

Well the day before vacation I got notice that my board scores were available on line. I was torn with the decision to look or not look the day before I left for a beach vacation. I was so afraid of reading a "fail" that I wasn't sure I wanted to risk it...did I want to ruin my only romantic vacation of the year?? After about 30 seconds of mentally debating this ordeal, I decided to look. I was shocked for sure. I passed, and did really, really well. Much higher than I anticipated. In fact much higher than my first boards. I shared the good news with my father who had a brief stint in the hospital again. Apparently he shared the good news with all his doctors. What a relief. I just have the PE in November then no more boards for at least a year and a half. What a relaxing feeling I had to start my vacation.

Housewife for a Week

well technically i'm not a wife, but last week I was off from school and just bumming around the house. I got my oil changed, shopped a little, cleaned the house, but became really bored, really fast. Billy was out of town most of the time so I didn't need to spend the day cooking an elaborate meal. Although, one night I decided to "throw something together" to both our surprise I made a delicious chicken parmasean meal. It was a new meal for us both and it was amazing. The idea just came to me, is that what happens to housewives that are good cooks? Did I just need to let my brain simmer a little???

Memorial Day Weekend

Before I kicked off the extended weekend I officially ended my Third Year of Medical School!! Time flies. Basically I completed all my "core rotations" and just have electives and a whole bunch of rural medicine left to rotate in for the next 11 months. Setting these up have been time consuming, but I've put a lot of thought into where I want to go and presenting myself to the top Residency programs.

To celebrate Billy took me out to dinner then drinks with friends....lots of drinks according to Billy's tab! The following day we spruced up the garden and filled it with flowers for the new season. Sunday was a day of rest and sleeping in and more celebrating with friends- by the way Billy's good friend is related to the guy who invited the pap smear- so now I have a new friend! Again during "girl talk" I was shocked that grown women have no idea when they are fertile...just remember day 14 +/- 2 days if you're regular. Anyways, then Monday was filled with shopping and movies. Billy spoiled me with his time which I soak up happily.

So now I'm officially on my "summer" vacation before I start my 4th year. I've only been off 2 days and I'm bored...the house is clean, my errands are done, Billy is out of town and I'm lonely. I'm not used to having so much time on my hands. Tomorrow I'm heading to Greenville for a few days then my special trip to Mexico next week with Billy. Yep, he finally gave in and picked a romantic place for our summer vacation...I'm happy, very happy.

Hysterectomy anyone?

This morning I fought off the other student (did I mention there was a "mix up" and i'm having to share my rotation with a PA student?? its awful...i don't have time for his stupid remarks- i don't think my attending cares for him...i've done almost 15 deliveries and the other guy 1- i'm a gunner).. so this am I got to assist on the TAH BS&O on a 31 y/o female with "severe" endometriosis.....it was shocking...in the next few years i'll be that age and i've got endometriosis...and yes its bothersome, but a hysterectomy at our age?? I felt so old because i'm hitting that age in which its an option and women take it. i remind myself that she is 31- older than me, she's had 4 kids, a single parent, on bipolar meds and now under my scalpel- ok i just cut sutures but its a very important job!! I guess it is an option for her, just not for me.... its still a million dollar question if i'm gonna ever bear my own children, so far i've avoided any psyche drug, and i am happily single...well technically not single but i love billy and his support and he's stuck with me so far...the patient and i are basically opposites but we're both diseased. her pain was "so bad a 10 on a scale 1-10" that i expected a mess of a belly but nope...practically clean of disease...i did see a few speckles here and there...they teach us the amount of disease does not correlate with pain....anyways, i'm thankful that i privately have something in common with these patients and remind myself just because its not right for me, doesn't mean its not right for them. i will probably struggle that my patients aren't badasses and won't "suck it up" but remember they are my patients and i'm their doctor- i have to offer them everything..so far i've been sympathetic but i'm so afraid of losing that patience.....

Am I Pregnant?

In real life the answer is no, but in my dreams yes. For the past two weeks I have been on my obgyn rotation and EVERYNIGHT i dream about pregnancy. Its getting ridiculous actually. I dream that I'm in a doctors waiting room with a bulging belly, or I dream about running and being pregnant, just all sorts of stuff. Yes, all day long I'm around pregnant women. In fact, i feel OLD around these pregnant women...technically speaking I could be a grandma down here in LaGrange. All these girls are so young and they ALL ask if i've had any kids..ugh no, my ovary and uterus are jacked up, i've got another year of medical school and then residency, i'm not married (which means nothing down here), and yes i'm way old enough.

As far as memories of this rotation so far; last night my attending walked in and I was gowned up holding the placenta and the baby was already under the warmer- yep, doc you were late, but i was there! Technically I should be proctored but the baby was coming NOW! I delivered a baby on both the mom and dads birthday...so now all three of them have the same birthday. I'm still a little uncertain when I'm sewing up an episostomy- it all looks like stretched out vagina to me, what exactly am I lining up??? for sure don't leave me alone for that. In just 2 weeks I've done over 10 vaginal deliveries myself and assisted on c-sections as well as gyno surgery. I love my attending, I work my butt off for him, but he treats me good in exchange. For example, I rounded on all 12 patients before him this early Saturday morning so basically all he had to do was sign my charts....so next delivery is all mine!!

Boards, Step 2

Today is Cinco de Mayo and I could definitely use a drink. My day started off taking Step 2 of my medical licensing boards. 400 long questions and my brain is strained. I planned on treating myself to a shopping spree afterwards but I was too exhausted. basically i mustered up enough energy to do a load of laundry and hit the gym for an hour. Overall I've been keeping up with my work out regimen with studying but its time to hit the weights full force again, summer is around the corner.

As far as boards go, they are so frustrating. There is a plethora of information to study. The questions can be so vague, "pt presents with abdominal pain, what is wrong with her" i need labs, i need imaging, i would get that in the real world. Another essential part of boards is the food packing. You are basically committed to a computer room with an occassional break and you need some grub close by. My routine is; baked cheetos, sandwich, oranges, sweet tea, water, twik. Its a random assortment but those are my board food cravings and you just have to give into them.

I feel relieved having boards behind me, of course i'm not stress free until i get my score...please god let me have passed...at times i worry about this...i'll get a question or two in a row and have no idea what the heck they are asking so i guess, i guess a lot and you just never know. additionally it helped i knew a lot of obgyn b/c 30% of the test was gyno related. anyways, i'm test free for a LONG time (2 years!!) and am in desperate need of a vacation....still trying to come up with something.

More Internal Medicine

So, again, i'm not that excited about my internal medicine rotation and had to pump myself up...i remined myself that i was going to work with a classmate...actually shes a pretty good friend. We're both hard core OBGYN so we have even more in common....i dreamed of googling hard core obgyn madness instead of pneumonia bugs...boring... I figured hey, intenal med won't be so bad because i'll have a partner in crime.....UGH, was i so wrong. Now I know i'm a gunner...i sat in the second row the first two years of med school, well my partner sat in the back row, the very, very back row. She wasn't a gunner at all. In fact, it sorta drove me crazy (this is where billy would add that it REALLY drove me crazy) that she was so "lazy". Sure, technically we get off at 5pm, but if we have 3 more consults in the ER waiting to be admitted, then technically we stay. There is no official rule, but we're scutmonkeys, we stay and do all the work..Duh, this is common medical student sense, right? Wrong. She would leave, I would stay, then I had way more patients to round on and would get there even earlier...It should be illegal to start your day on IM at 9am...we all know to be there at 6am. My favorite, most favorite line of all my clinical rotations was when she asked our hard core attending (who trained at Johns Hopkins) if she could get off early to go get her hair colored!! Yes, this will go down in history. Listen up, if i don't have time to crap then you shouldn't be given time to get your hair highlighted!! If its absolutely necessary then tell the attending you have a doctors appointment because you are hemorrhaging to death and need to be evaluated for a blood transfusion- now then you can get off an hour early, but don't forget to round tomorrow by 6am! thats internal medicine baby

Internal Medicine

Well, jerry is recovering and I was able to return back to ATL to begin my next rotation, Internal Medicine. Basically I was your student doctor if you were admitted for anything lame...aka pneumonia, kidney failure, sepsis, or we don't know whats wrong with you but let us run some tests. I was bored because it involved nothing surgical. If for any reason my patient needed a "procedure" (aka kidney biopsy) I was right at the bedside and ready to cut. I did have a vasavagal response watchng a bone marrow biopsy....Basically I was pretty sick for a week...FOU....aka fever of unknown origin...i took tylenol and got through each day....but this day it was swealtering hot in the room, my attending is literally digging into this womans bone and i started sweating like crazy. I felt like i wiped a bucket of sweat off my upper lip, then my vision was closing in...it was classic...i knew exactly what was occuring with my body and what was about to happen...before i went down, i went out and collapsed in the bathroom with privacy. I was relieved that no one saw this and then had priviledges to harass me all month...i was sick, but i had to work. 5 minutes later i walked back in like i had just answered a "very important page"....not many know that i'm just a measily medical student and i don't get very important pages!!

Family Matters

So I was driving home from a fairly good day at work when my mom called crying saying my dad was sick. Without going into the details, I rushed to the Columbus apartment, packed everything I could in 10 minutes, left a message at school and drove back to Atlanta. Once there, I found a flight back to California for the following morning. In less than 19 hours from the phone call I was at my dad's bedside. Despite all that we know about medicine it can still be a mystery to unravel a diagnosis. He got VIP treatment, flown to the best specialist and several days later was recovering quickly. It was a horrible few days but honestly he is doing great. It was good to see some of my brothers but not under those circumstances. Also, I realized what wimps my siblings are, Aaron turned white, hyperventilated and asked for water when the surgeon was explaining his upcoming procedure, Jody left the room before any blood draws. It was comical. Despite Jody's queasiness, she was sooo good to my dad. We would shave him, give him manicures and pedicures, etc. He said he liked us both there because Jody would make him laugh and I was always honest. Mom bought him an iPod in which David loaded up with classical music. He is doing really well and is ready to finally cut back on work and enjoy life.

Med school isn't hard, its life outside of it

At some point last weekend I was overcome by emotions. Its a mystery as to when these moments come and normally Billy is available, but he won't be every time and he wasn't on Friday night. I've come to realize when he's not around I'm like a lost puppy. He's always there for me and I just sat there and cried. I have no idea why I cried, but planning ahead for my audition rotations and thinking about Residency is stressful. I called a fellow classmate who confirmed I'm not alone and that everyone is feeling on edge too. I mean I go to work, I do fine, I come home, I study for 5-6 hours, its no big deal, but the big deal is thinking about next year. Where do I want to go? Will I get into my first choice? Will I end up in Michigan? Will Billy come with me? Will I be able to handle Residency and being a supportive girlfriend? I try to tell Billy how supportive he's been to me, he doesn't believe me, but its so true. I don't know what he does but he sucks the stress out of me, he holds my hand and makes me relax. Just knowing he's close by is soothing. Later on Friday night when we met up, all he did was wrap his arms around me and kiss me and honestly I felt better. I stopped crying, I started to smile and life didn't seem too difficult to handle. While my relationship is growing stronger, I have been notiefied of the first divorce in my medical school class. Statistically speaking its the first of many. The Ebners boys don't have a good record but the girls do, so I pray God watches after me, my career, and my love life.

Patient Boyfriends

So I'm still 2 hours away from home but come back to ATL for the weekend. I'm in a family practice residency site for my FP rotation. Apparently I'm told I'm working like a Resident, I'm pretty independent and have a good idea whats up. Billy and I decided it was my rotation at Arrowhead that allowed me to gain confidence and independence.

This week I had an older 69 y/o male patient who was so sweet. He gave me the best compliants. I mean anyone who finds me beautiful after a 30 hour shift is my new best friend. Basically he wanted to marry me, now not for a second do I think he is serious but I'm enjoying my "boyfriend" patients. They're adorable. As far as my real boyfriend, I'm counting down on Friday to hop in my car and drive home. Billy has been so sweet lately. I'm always laughing, smiling, and having fun. This weekend I talked his ear off as to what I see in our future...I'm a planner, he's not, so its still a mystery as to what will happen.

An Away Rotation

So this month is family medicine....ugh. I'm 2 hours away from Atlanta so Sunday night I drive out here and return on Friday afternoon. The only reason I get Fri pm off is I'm on call Thursday night, so I'm basically up all night in the ER doing H&Ps for new admits. So far, its sick old people or young women in labor. I slept a whole 40 mins in a hospital bed with a bleached urine smelling thin sheet. Not ideal, but I did get a 40 min nap before a full morning of nephrology clinic.

I'm at a Residency site so I'm basically teamed up with a different Resident each day and occasionally an Attending. My first day was awesome, I felt smart. The second day was all cardiac patients so I felt dumb. The goal is each day I get smarter. The outpatient clinic ranges from old people with uncontrolled diabetes and HTN now in renal failure and rotten feet to little critters with rashes. I had one kid who had a glove fetish, it was scary.

As far as my living arrangements, I'm living in student housing. The apartment is "luxurous"- nice and clean, but LOUD. The interstate is behind my window so all day and night I hear cars zooming by. I also have a roommate from another school who gets up and does "stuff" in the kitchen for an hour. I have no idea what she does but I hear banging of the cabinets and dishes... for a whole hour each morning...i'm going insane. I then walk into the kitchen and it looks exactly the same....dishes scattered everywhere. Its hopeless. Basically I pray for Friday so I can drive home and be with Billy boy. I am studying a ton out here, but otherwise there is nothing exciting in rural Georgia.

The Emergency Room

So Feb I rotated in the ER, and it was fabulous. My first day was a trauma with a guy laughing because "it was just like tv". Yes, the doctor, medical student, and nurses all quickly gathered around the dude who feel off a 20 ft ladder to assess his injuries. He was ok. The rest of the day I assessed diarrhea, abdominal pain, pelvic pain, bloody noses, etc.

Shift Two was a "difficulty breather"..I was scrolling through everything I could remember about asthma on my way into the room. I was shocked when I approached a dude who had no blood pressure, his belly stuck out and was purple, and he could not breathe. I got scare he was going to die right in front of me....I ran and got my attending while rushing this guy to the CT and he lived...at least until the end of my shift. In fact, they all lived until the end of my shift, except one guy. Trauma- a 40 y/o male got hit by a car and died. Basically head trauma from no helmet. So kids wear your helmet. It was awful to explain to the family and now some little kiddies have no daddy.

The highlight of my month was suturing. I was a bit apprehensive when left to stitch some guy's face. Dude, that should be a plastics consult not a 3rd year medical student. I was floored when my attending said "Perfect". Still not sure if perfect for the ER or perfect as in I would let you stitch my face. Also, I sutured an ear together after a human bit it off at 3 am.

Feb Holidays

I'm such a slacker...Basically I had a HUGE birthday this month. I was supposed to work but my attending randomly gave me a day off of work because I was supposed to work 8 days straight. So I went shopping, got my hair done, and just hung out with myself, which was really nice. Billy took me to Hal's Steakhouse, the #1 steak in ATL which was fabulous...the best steak of my life. Yummy. Then a week later was Valentines Day. I was swamped with working in the ER so I had to come up with something quick to get him...I settled on clothes hangers, those really nice huggable ones since he's always complaining about my white hangers. I got those and a diet book because he's obsessed with our food intake (which has helped me kick 5 lbs to the curb). So when he brought home 2 dozen long stem roses, the best Truffles of my life, Ghiardelli chocolate, etc, etc, I felt pretty lame giving him a diet book and hangers. Its always like that, I'm so practical with my gifts and he spurlges on me. I love it, but he gets cheated. I do spoil him year round so I guess it evens out. He then took me out to an Italian dinner for V-day and it was just romantic...all the up to the point that I had to roll out of bed at 5am for work...trauma duty at GMC ER, my day started off with a code...

More Arrowhead

Gosh, As always I'm catching up. Basically I loved my rotation at Arrowhead. The Residents said I kicked butt and gave me their blessing to apply and join their program, so that is awesome. The experience and exposure was amazing. I did so many pelvic exams and pap smears, when in doubt "pap it". Lots of yucky vaginas...Billy requested I no longer talk about bad vag. I actually had to question my career choice at one awful smelly moment, but I perserved and still want OBGYN. I delivered some babies and still wonder how 30 seconds later the women are no longer in pain. I can tell that I like gyn a lot more, but ob is still cool. An attending refused to put a patient on hormones with lupron therapy and my heart ached for that patient...if my personal experience helps 500 women then it was worth it. I wanted more than anything to give her hormones but had to keep my mouth shut.

I went home to SM a few times and hung out with Miles and Maisy. What terrific kids. If I Ever have kids, I want kids like them. Maisy is always so happy and bubbly. Miles keeps me entertained and young at heart. Also Jody cut my hair and it now looks amazing. Thanks Grods

Winter at Arrowhead

I'm currently on an elective rotation at a Residency site in California...far away from Atlanta. This rotation is great.. the students that I work with are really friendly and helpful. It is not the competetive enviornment that I've been exposed to in the past. The patients are very similar... kind hearteded but with limited financial resources and large, very large. I never thought my patients would weight over 400 lbs, but that is quite common....here in california and in the South. Obesity is an epidemic and possesses challenges when trying to provide the best medical care. Waddling through the layers of fat should motivate me to hit up the gym.

This week I spent a day on the the gyn onc clinic and I was impressed and frightened. Cancer doesn't just hit the elderly, I've seen several patients younger than me with cervical, endometerial, and ovarian cancer....Yikes, I've been vaccinated so i'm not at risk for cervical cancer ( a shout out to all women under 26 y/o to get vaccinated), but once again a reminder that life is fragile and we must take care of ourselves and seek medical attention when appropriate. I really liked gyn oncology...it incorporates surgery and out patient care. Something to consider in the future, but just another confirmation that i'm loyal to the obgyn speciality.

Lastly the weather is wonderful out here... I'm enjoying the sunshine and peak temperatures of 88 degrees. Billy and I talk each day and he reminds me that it is cold, rainy with a low of 15 degrees out there. Chilly. So california has earthquakes every once in a while, I think its still better than coldness everyday throughout the winter. But wherever I am, he keeps me warm and i miss his warmth now.

Earthquake

As most know, I'm 99.9% for sure I'm going to become an OBGYN. While my third year is doing clinical rotations in every specialty I do have one month of an "elective"- do whatever I want, wherever I want. So I'm out in San Bernadino, California at Arrowhead- which hosts an OBGYN Residency Program. I want to come back to the West Coast, but its complicated. I also want to share my life with Billy, who lives in Atlanta. and his kids live in Atlanta. ..see its complicated.

Arrowhead is known as the "only earthquake proof" hospital and I got to experience that within my first week. Last night we had a 5.0 earthquake centered in San Bernadino. It was fun...it felt like a MAC truck hit the building. For a split second I was sacred and the thought crossed my mind, what is something happened to me, who will check on me?? Would I lay under the rumble with no help? I called up Billy to share the experience and quickly realized that I miss him. Would he have known, he would have made sure I was okay.

As far as this rotation, so far its amazing. Students do everything. After my hour orientation on where to park, dress professionally, eat in the cafeteria, etc. I was thrown into a busy clinic with 170 patients for the day. I basically did more pap smears that day than I've done in my entire career. I loved every minute of it and have been impressed with this program so far.

Happy New Year 2009

After spending the week with the kids, Billy decided to take me out. We hooked up with some of his friends to go out for New Years. We ended up at a party with an older crowd and band but it was still really fun. Its no secret that I'll kiss Billy anywhere and everywhere so kissing him around a bunch of old geezers was no big deal. As tradition we had the ball drop from NYC in the background. New Years was fabulous...

The following night Billy took me out to Japanese...this was our third visit on Jan 2nd...I can't believe that we've been together over 2 years and going into our third holidays together.

Merry Christmas 2008

I'm behind and there is no excuse... I had two weeks off and stayed in Georgia with Billy and the kids. Santa came to our house and broght so many presents...I got the beautiful Aldo boots that I wanted and clothes, etc. Billy did a fantastic job in picking out presents for me. Way to go bud. We got to pick the kids up in the afternoon and invited his parents over for dinner. This was the first Christmas dinner that I ever cooked...As a Santa Maria native and devote Costco shopper, I bbqued a tri tip.. it was fabulous and delicious. I don't think Billy's parents appreciated it but i did, and all the leftovers. Back to presents, Billy went overboard with the kids. He finally admitted it on Christmas afternoon when there was no room to walk through the house and the kids threw their presents in the corner, but it was fun to watch their faces as they opened up presents.
As for my Xmas break.. I don't know what I did, nothing productive for sure. I slept in everyday until noon practically. Billy had most of the time off of work so it was fun to cuddle every morning. We did go to the museum, visit the capital, go to the skating rink and shop a lot. I guess I enjoyed just spending quality relaxing time with Billy... He didn't have to hear me rumble about work or crawl into bed after long hours. It was fabulous our two weeks together.